You may not be at your school-leavers weight, but you still have your pride and your soul. Still, each round of Golf, game of Sunday league Football, 5K, or trip to the gym reminds you that your body is no longer a wonderland. The lack of sleep, acceptance of “dadbod”, and general march of time has turned it into more of a sketchy parking lot carnival. Let’s cut to the chase: What injuries are you most likely to bring your doctor being a 40-something Dad?
There’s no shortage of non-professional football ways you could rattle your brain cage, but most of the time you don’t even need to hit your head. Of course, if it does happen to you, tell everyone it’s bloodsport-related trauma.
How To Treat It
Obvious first rule: Don’t get into these situations. No boxing. No full-contact Zog leagues. Second rule: protect ya neck. By strengthening your neck muscles and solidifying control over your head movements, you’re less likely to get a concussion.
When your toddler is using you like a jungle gym, your boys are just another foothold to scale Mt. Daddy. But even worse than being stepped on is getting a tee-ball line drive to the scrotum.
How To Treat It
“You can get a pretty good whack to the nuts and have it hurt for up to a week without bad side effects. Ice it up. Wear tighter briefs so they’re not jiggling around,” says Dr. Greenbacher.
He also says not to reach for the ibuprofen, which can temporarily thin your blood. There’s a lot of blood rushing to that bruised area and “it can swell up pretty big and scary,” he says. “The main issue is that it’s possible to fracture your testicle. You can hit it hard enough so the lining tears. There will be a ton of bleeding — it’s pretty obvious.”